Śmigus-dyngus!! Today, April 12th, is Dyngus Day. Prepare Thy Pussy Willow Switches!

Dyngus day is a Polish tradition celebrated on the day after Easter Sunday. Men dump water on women or dunk them in a river. The women retaliate by hitting them with pussy willow switches, throwing crockery at them, or least interesting of all, giving them gifts of hard boiled eggs. The ritual represents the spring rain, fertilization, and, well, making whoopie.

So my wife and I celebrate it every year. She always forgets but I set a phone reminder.

When my alarm went off today she was playing on her phone so I postponed my attack. I bided my time like a ninja assassin in the living room and watched Storage Wars. Ever the neat freak, she rolled her eyes, entered the living room, and brought me my glass. “Steve, why are you leaving glasses of water laying around?”

“Śmigus-dyngus!” I threw the water and nailed her. (No, I didn’t hit her in the face. I missed and hit her stomach.)

“You handed me the glass! This is the best Dyngus day ever!” I said, getting my gloat on.

She laughed and said, “You mean the best Dyngus for me!”

Little did I know she had a pussy willow switch stashed under the couch.

(Note to self: never Śmigus-dyngus in your underwear again! Ouch!)

I encourage everyone to celebrate Dyngus Day in their own way, disregarding the traditional gender rules as necessary.

After all, Dyngus Day only comes once a year.